Sloppy Sex Moves? Here’s How to Smooth Them Out
“I still struggle to even find the right hole during sex. I’d love to practice on a real partner, but opportunities are rare since I barely get any action.
My lack of experience fuels my shame and deep-seated fear of intimacy, rooted in how unskilled I feel. I’m wondering if a practice doll could help, or if it’d just be glorified masturbation.
I dread the thought that I might be some girl’s “worst lay,” and I suspect I already have been.
To elaborate, I’m awful at the basics: rhythm, thrusting, staying inside everything feels off. I can’t guide my partner vocally either; dirty talk sounds awkward and forced coming from me, especially since I lack the confidence to match my words with actions.
Communication’s a weak spot for me in general, not just in bed. Worse, I don’t even enjoy sex for myself–vaginal penetration feels numb, like nothing.
And rough sex? I’m terrible at it, yet it’s what most partners expect from me, probably because I’m tall and they assume I’ll deliver. The mismatch only deepens my frustration.
I’m stuck in this cycle of inexperience and anxiety, unsure how to break out. A doll might offer practice, but will it translate to real connection?
I want to improve, to feel competent, but right now, sex feels like a performance I’m doomed to flop. How do I get better when the stakes feel so high and the chances so few?”
Here are Some Tip for Better Sex Performance
1. Connection is What Makes Sex Fun
Sex is really about connection, not just nailing the moves. Even if you’re bad at sex, like struggling with finding the right hole.
A patient partner can help you leap forward in just thirty minutes, far beyond what a sex doll could teach. Honestly, there’s no way you’re that bad at sex. It’s not about perfection; it’s about showing up.
Still, there are a couple of angles to consider. One possibility: part of you might cling to the idea that you’re terrible because it keeps you from trying.
Sex can be intimidating, its vulnerability and emotional depth scare a lot of people. If you’re dodging that risk, telling yourself you’re no good becomes a shield.
But here’s the thing: with someone kind and understanding, you don’t need to be a pro. You just need to be present. A doll might let you practice mechanics, but it won’t teach you the real stuff–how to tune into someone else.
So, ditch the shame spiral. Find someone who’s cool with your nerves, and let connection, not choreography, lead the way. You’ll be surprised how fast “bad” turns into “good enough” and then some. {Read; steps for better sex, it might help more}
2. Struggling to Express Emotions Can Affect Intimacy
The real issue might not be that you’re bad at sex, it’s that you’re bad at expressing your emotions. That struggle gets trickier in bed, where you feel awkward.
Not just that, scared of how your partner might react to your fumbling attempts at connection. That fear can make you freeze up, shutting down mid-moment. To them, it just looks like you’re terrible between the sheets.
But here’s the catch: what they’re seeing isn’t the full story. Your discomfort with opening up emotionally, not just physically, creates this clumsy vibe that gets mistaken for being bad at sex.
It’s less about your thrusting skills and more about the walls you’ve got up. When you’re worried about judgment, it’s hard to relax, let alone perform.
A sex doll won’t fix that; it’s a solo gig, no emotions required.
What might help is a partner who gets it, someone patient who doesn’t mind the stumbles while you figure out how to let go. Sex isn’t a talent show; it’s a two-way street.
3. Low Self-Confidence and Its Impact on Performance
If you struggle with low self-confidence or dislike your body (or a specific part of it), it can significantly affect how you approach intimacy.
This issue, however, often has little to do with sex itself. Feeling insecure about your body or doubting your self-worth can make you hesitant or self-conscious in intimate situations, which might lead to the misconception that you’re bad at sex.
The truth is, being bad at sex is rarely about physical ability, it’s more about how your mindset influences your actions.
While intimacy can sometimes help you feel more comfortable in your own skin, the real progress usually comes from addressing your self-confidence outside the bedroom. { Reasons why your mind wandering in the bedroom}
Building a positive relationship with your body and working on self-acceptance can transform how you show up in intimate moments.
Remember, confidence and self-love are key to creating a deeper connection, both with yourself and your partner.
4. How Trauma Can Affect Your Movement
If you’ve experienced or witnessed something traumatic related to sex, it can deeply impact your ability to engage fully in intimate moments.
This trauma might cause your mind to dissociate or partially shut down as a protective mechanism, making it difficult to connect with your partner.
From the outside, this can appear as though you’re bad at sex, but the reality is far more complex.
Being “bad at sex” in this context isn’t about skill or desire, it’s a reflection of your mind and body responding to past pain.
Trauma can create barriers that make it hard to be present, leading to emotional or physical withdrawal during intimacy.
Healing from these experiences often requires time, support, and sometimes professional guidance to process and overcome the underlying issues.
5. The Myth of Being Bad at Sex
Someone once told you that you’re “bad at sex,” it’s easy to internalize that criticism, especially if you were already worried about it.
This can lead to deep insecurity, even though the idea of being “bad at sex” is largely subjective and doesn’t hold much meaning from your perspective.
The concept only makes sense from the viewpoint of a partner who might lack the understanding or skill to identify what’s actually going on.
When someone labels another person as bad at sex, it’s often a simplification of a more complex issue. It could stem from miscommunication, unmet expectations, or even their own lack of experience. {Make your sex better}
However, this label doesn’t help you identify or address any real underlying problems. Instead, it creates unnecessary self-doubt.
The truth is, intimacy is a shared experience, and no one is inherently “bad at sex.” By focusing on open communication and mutual understanding, you can move past these unhelpful perceptions and build a more fulfilling connection.
Mosunmola Alice is a sex education freelance writer with a bachelor's degree, passionate about pleasure, intimacy, and breaking taboos. She creates open, judgment-free conversations on consent, body awareness, and sexual wellness, helping readers navigate their sexuality with confidence.
She is the author of three books: Shine as You Are: Breaking Free from Body Shame, The Unspoken Want: Breaking Free from Sexual Shame and In Her Hand.
It's accessible in most regions on Amazon
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