My boyfriend’s not interested in sex After I Gained Weight—What Now?
My boyfriend recently told me that the reason he doesn’t initiate sex with me or even seem interested in being intimate , is because he’s not attracted to my body anymore. Hearing that broke something in me.
I’ve always had short legs, and with being 5’3″, any weight gain feels more noticeable. I do have a bit of cellulite, and sure, I’ve gained a few pounds.
But I still wear a size small or medium top and size 4–6 pants. I don’t feel like I’ve let myself go, just that I’ve been human.
What hurts the most isn’t just the lack of intimacy. It’s that he made it clear his desire hinges on how I look, not how he feels about me. I’ve been trying.
I’ve been dieting and exercising consistently for the past two months, pushing through the days I felt low. And now, after all that effort, I’m being told I’m still not “enough” to want.
When we met, I was at my leanest, around 124 pounds– because I was training to compete. But that wasn’t my norm. I’ve usually been comfortable at 130–135. Right now, I’m 139. That’s not a huge change. But the way he talks about it, you’d think I became someone entirely different.
We’ve been together for nearly ten months, and I’m usually the one who initiates. I go out of my way to make him feel wanted, whether it’s intimacy, oral, affection. But I can’t remember the last time he returned that kind of care. It’s hard not to feel invisible.
I’m still working on my body, for me. I want to feel strong and confident again. But I can’t shake the feeling that love should be deeper than a number on the scale. That intimacy shouldn’t disappear because of 10 pounds.
Is it valid to feel this way? I don’t know. But I know I’m hurting.
Sounds Like He’s Doesn’t Like You
When someone acts distant or shows little interest in being close, especially when it comes to intimacy–it’s hard not to notice.
If your boyfriend’s not interested in sex, and he’s also emotionally withdrawn, that’s a signal worth paying attention to.
It doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a bad person, but it may mean the relationship isn’t working for him, and he doesn’t know how to say it directly.
Sometimes people avoid confrontation by becoming less engaged, hoping the other person will take the hint and end things.
It’s not the healthiest way to handle things, but it happens more than it should. If your boyfriend’s not interested in sex and you feel like he’s pulling away in other areas too, you have every right to question where things are going.
Girl, life is too short to waste on men who don’t like you. Being in a relationship shouldn’t make you feel bad about yourself. Your partner should be your biggest fan, and you should be theirs. If that’s not the case, he’s not the one. Go find your person, this asshole ain’t it. Don’t let him dull your shine.
You deserve someone who’s fully present, both emotionally and physically. Communication matters, and if he won’t talk about what’s going on, that’s a red flag in itself.
Trust your instincts and think about what you want from this relationship, not just what he’s doing or not doing. It’s okay to expect clarity and mutual effort from someone you’re with. { Abuse Has Many Faces: How to Identify It in Any Relationship }
Understanding His Physical-Centric Perspective
“It’s not what I want you to be. It’s just what I expect for me.” This statement suggests that his focus is on his own desires rather than your well-being.
His concern isn’t about your health, happiness, or the history you share. Instead, he prioritizes his physical preferences over the emotional connection between you.
Consider how long you’d be willing to let his physical standards define your self-worth. Even if you meet his current expectations, there’s no guarantee he won’t introduce another demand later.
He lacks depth and isn’t capable of being a true partner to you. At your age, you have so much ahead of you, there are people who will genuinely appreciate and support you. In the meantime, being alone is far better than being with someone who doesn’t value you. { Having an honest sex conversation in a relationship }
Imagine What would Happen If You Had a Bady
What would happen if you had a baby and naturally gained some weight? Would intimacy disappear until you returned to a certain size?
Or if you had an injury that limited your ability to exercise, would that change how he treats you? These examples may sound a bit extreme, but they highlight an important point: a caring, loving partner shows up for you regardless of physical changes.
It’s completely valid for people to have preferences, but those preferences shouldn’t override basic respect, emotional connection, or support in a relationship.
If you’re not facing serious health concerns and your weight hasn’t drastically changed, it’s concerning that affection and intimacy are being withheld.
Relationships naturally go through phases, but when sex is off the table and the emotional connection feels conditional, it can be painful and confusing.
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