Despite Its Importance, The Missionary Position is Underrated

The missionary position is underrated. It often gets a bad rap for being “vanilla” or “boring,” but that couldn’t be further from the truth. When done with intention and connection, it’s one of the most intimate and satisfying positions out there. Let’s break down why it deserves way more credit than it gets.

When I was nearly 20, I only understood the basics of sexual intimacy. These basics were man on top and woman on top. Eager to broaden my understanding, I sought insight from my more “experienced” friends. They were just two years my senior. Yet, they too failed to provide substantial enlightenment.

The only tidbit I gleaned was from my best friend, Jane, who mentioned trying the “side to side” position. A month later, at just fifteen and a high school sophomore, Jane was pregnant and abruptly left school. I never got the chance to ask her if it was the side-to-side position that led to her predicament. Growing up Catholic Jane real name was Rosary. I couldn’t help but wonder if her pregnancy was some divine punishment for going “all the way.”

Years later, I discover that the side-to-side position can be quite challenging unless the guy is especially well-endowed or the girl is notably flexible. Thanks to my double-jointedness, I certainly fall into the latter category.

Nevertheless, it was clear that most guys favored being on top. At the time, I perceived this as an issue of control, particularly since, in our youthful inexperience, the experience seldom extended beyond a few strokes.

The older you get, the more you understand how it works

Now, I am older and (arguably) wiser, or at least just older. I’ve come to understand, through both experience and reading, that the woman-on-top position offers numerous advantages. For one, it allows her to control the rhythm and friction, making it easier to reach orgasm.

The man gets an incredible view. It could be her breasts, or if she’s facing his legs, the sight of her back and flowing hair. Many men find this irresistible despite the high maintenance of long locks. (If you’ve ever had a baby grab your hair in their tiny fist, you know how quickly it can become a lost cause.)

But there’s something undeniably sensual about having your partner brush your hair with long, deliberate strokes. It’s almost as good as a massage. Some claim it is nearly as satisfying as sex. Personally, I think those people just aren’t doing it right.

Why is the missionary position often labeled as boring? Missionary position is underrated. Is it because it’s associated with years of marriage? Is it linked to quick, routine encounters before turning off the lights? Do women feel they lack control in this position?

They shouldn’t. In fact, women have plenty of agency even when on the bottom. You can reach around to knead his buttocks, move in sync with him, or even reset the rhythm. You can massage his shoulders, run your hands over his chest, or play with his nipples.

Eye Contact and Emotional Connection

Most importantly, you can look into his eyes and see the love, excitement, and tenderness reflected there. The longer you hold that gaze, the deeper the intimacy you build. If either of you looks away, it hints at a fear of commitment or it simply means, “Wow, I can’t keep my eyes open during this incredible orgasm!”

There’s so much you can do in this position: lift your hips to meet his, place your hands under your butt for added leverage, trace the outline of his penis as it enters you, or squeeze his (or your own) buttocks. And don’t forget to use those Kegel muscles!

As you sense he’s nearing climax, lower one leg, then the other if they’ve been raised. Gradually close your legs until your feet touch, but avoid clenching too tightly. Have him bring his legs together as he lies on top of you. He can wrap his arms around you, kiss you, or hold your hips to guide you into the perfect position that pushes him over the edge. Sharing a kiss during orgasm is one of the most tender, fulfilling experiences two people can share.

Sometimes, I think about my high school friends and wonder how they turned out after our Catholic school years. I can’t help but feel that Jane didn’t conceive her son, Travis, in a particularly comfortable position. But maybe, years later, her daughter Tara was. Life has a way of teaching us lessons, both in and out of the bedroom.

Conclusion

Missionary serves as the ultimate bridge between foreplay and sex. It allows you to remain intimately close, maintain the momentum, and deepen that emotional bond. Following this, it’s the perfect position for cuddling, ensuring you stay intertwined as you savor the blissful aftermath.

Sometimes, the classics are classics because they resonate profoundly within us. Missionary has truly endured the sands of time. It’s exquisitely simple yet profoundly effective. It offers a deeply satisfying experience like no other. This isn’t just about being “basic.” It’s about celebrating the enchanting beauty of simplicity. It fosters an unparalleled connection between partners.

Alice

Website |  + postsBio ⮌

Mosunmola Alice is a sex education freelance writer with a bachelor's degree, passionate about pleasure, intimacy, and breaking taboos. She creates open, judgment-free conversations on consent, body awareness, and sexual wellness, helping readers navigate their sexuality with confidence.

She is the author of three books: Shine as You Are: Breaking Free from Body Shame, The Unspoken Want: Breaking Free from Sexual Shame and In Her Hand.
It's accessible in most regions on Amazon

• Alice

  https://eroticwild.com/author/mosunmola/

  How to Find Your Perfect Match in 6 Practical Step
• Alice

  https://eroticwild.com/author/mosunmola/

  How to Be the Man She Fantasizes About. Make her want you more
• Alice

  https://eroticwild.com/author/mosunmola/

  Talk Your Way Into Bed: Conversation that Leads to Sex
• Alice

  https://eroticwild.com/author/mosunmola/

  How Can I Help My Partner Orgasm and Ease Sexual Shame?